The final ride
Rasor's Edge
Mike Rasor
Issue date: 5/1/07 Section: Sports
Jay Rohr and John Mackey, the most intense football players you'll meet, begin to growl. Concerned about self-preservation, the OSU fan buttons up.
Don't get too excited Zips fans. This won't last. As you'll learn, one of the themes of this ride is that the powers-that-be won't let this rollercoaster reach too high. And so begins our descent. The NCAA gave the soccer team a nine-seed for the national tournament, despite Akron losing only one game. The courageous Zips will fight to the Elite Eight, but lose in a shootout against Maryland, the eventual national champions.
Thomas and Lolla unlatch their harnesses.
Sirs, I don't recommend…
Thomas and Lolla leap off the train. Their parachutes open to reveal logos for the universities of Cincinnati and Louisville, respectively.
Ladies and gentleman, we just lost two talented men, but the coaster will continue as planned. Actually, we're heading up. Welcome to the ride, Mack Rhoades and Caleb Porter.
On your left, you can see Dambrot leading the Zips to a 23-win season in 2006. This team actually got an NIT berth and beat Temple on the road in the first round, thus ending the career of the legendary coach John Chaney.
All of a sudden, riders on the train begin to stir. They anticipate the football team has a chance to be special in 2006.
I hate to disappoint you, but this team is going nowhere. Look to your left as the offensive line won't protect quarterback Luke Getsy. The kickers will miss extra points. Players will squabble. No leaders will emerge.
"So what's the damage?" asks Rhoades, the new athletic director.
(Gulp.) Five and seven, including a blowout at the hands of Kent State.
But please remain in your seats. Don't follow your colleagues off the rollercoaster. Joyce and Romeo Travis are about to take this train to new heights. How does 26 wins sound?
The riders erupt into a chorus of cheers.
"Obviously, this means we're going to the Big Dance," a giddy Cedrick Middleton says with a giant grin consuming his face.
Don't get too excited Zips fans. This won't last. As you'll learn, one of the themes of this ride is that the powers-that-be won't let this rollercoaster reach too high. And so begins our descent. The NCAA gave the soccer team a nine-seed for the national tournament, despite Akron losing only one game. The courageous Zips will fight to the Elite Eight, but lose in a shootout against Maryland, the eventual national champions.
Thomas and Lolla unlatch their harnesses.
Sirs, I don't recommend…
Thomas and Lolla leap off the train. Their parachutes open to reveal logos for the universities of Cincinnati and Louisville, respectively.
Ladies and gentleman, we just lost two talented men, but the coaster will continue as planned. Actually, we're heading up. Welcome to the ride, Mack Rhoades and Caleb Porter.
On your left, you can see Dambrot leading the Zips to a 23-win season in 2006. This team actually got an NIT berth and beat Temple on the road in the first round, thus ending the career of the legendary coach John Chaney.
All of a sudden, riders on the train begin to stir. They anticipate the football team has a chance to be special in 2006.
I hate to disappoint you, but this team is going nowhere. Look to your left as the offensive line won't protect quarterback Luke Getsy. The kickers will miss extra points. Players will squabble. No leaders will emerge.
"So what's the damage?" asks Rhoades, the new athletic director.
(Gulp.) Five and seven, including a blowout at the hands of Kent State.
But please remain in your seats. Don't follow your colleagues off the rollercoaster. Joyce and Romeo Travis are about to take this train to new heights. How does 26 wins sound?
The riders erupt into a chorus of cheers.
"Obviously, this means we're going to the Big Dance," a giddy Cedrick Middleton says with a giant grin consuming his face.
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